No edits

Kafka says no edits.
not here, not for your soul.
so ironically we implement policies and rules
to facilitate freedom

And I am a mess of intimacy

I should pause. Consider. Placate.
calculate, truncate.
I should mould myself into digestible pieces
I should learn that communication
is not a mess of intimacy
not indulgent details
not visceral self expression

I should learn. Adapt. Mould myself around apathy.
I should not be so bold.
I should stop intimidating people with my feelings

I should not be so impulsive
not be so intimidating.
not be so intimate

I should be less

I should not demand of people my desires

I should wait patiently for their rich pickings

I should placate. Negotiate.

Sophie says I should abandon my shoulds.

But there is such an ambivalent interaction between my desires and my fears

For someone so determinedly brave, I can impose such limitations on myself.