Joshie # 3

So many times that night we caught each others eyes

you were radiating, that warm social energy you have when you are tipsy and comfortable and chatty and free.

so much happened around us that night. I was stuck in such turmoil and you knew it, you saw it, you felt it.
But i would find myself with your eyes on mine. And we would just look and i cant help but smile for what you evoke in me. For how we look, how we search, how we give to each other with those eyes. 

Yours are so full.

I remember grabbing your head in my hands and pulling your face to mine. I think I just laughed. you give me such joy. Everything we create in friendship is joyful for me. 

We sat on the couch,

i hardly noticed that everyone had left
your face was turned away
I put my hand to your chin and turned it towards me
i wanted your eyes
i wanted your lips

I think you thought it was about something else, someone else
something else external to that moment
it wasn't.
it never is with you.
You create something for me, a space, a feeling, and nothing else is important.
in those moments it is only about you.

Everyone left and we just lay together. Looking. I would touch your face. It is amazing to me that we feel so comfortable just looking. For so long. That you are so generous with your eyes.

We spoke a little. In whispers to each other. But we don't really need words. 

You asked me what i wanted. I sighed with such heaviness. 

You said i was so complicated. 

I am Joshie, but I so wish I could give you simple and beautiful things.