inspiration vs. dedication (feat. some wise friends)

I am getting distressed by the realisation that I have no joy for uni at the moment.

But, yaknow, the world does not run on the same time line as me. We have different rhythms. And mine is so erratic. So desultory.

I’m ok with sporadic passion. Because when it's in me, when i create it or when it's evoked in me, it fills me. I would rather that than being.... platitudinous.

I struggle so intensely to do things I don’t find interesting, or am not inspired to do. I have such a capacity for what i am passionate about. I have so much to give to the things i want to do. I just don’t have time for what I don’t care about.

And... I have these naive and glorious ideas about what is good for my soul. How I respond to what I give myself to. What builds me and what erodes me.

I feel so uncomfortable with the idea of doing something that does not fill me with joy. Of committing my time and energy to something mediocre. I think mediocrity erodes me.

I think we give to the world, by being whole. By seeking wholeness for ourselves.

But Sophie says we should believe in determination and dedication over inspiration.

That feels really strong to me. I like that idea. It is positive.

Maybe commitment is a building force. Even if what i am dedicated to doesn’t fill me with as much joy as i would like. Yes, that thought encourages me a lot.

Marko said something so encouraging, about gritting your teeth, and then reassessing when you have finished what you committed to. And then making it what you want.

(I have such wise friends)

Now I don’t think it is as simple as only doing what i love to do. We should be ok with ‘building blocks’. With doing mediocre things as a means to some glorious end.

just grit your teeth.

Maybe inspiration comes from determination.